.*☆Reiko's Tumblr☆*.

Getting ready for my Mary Kay meeting for tonight… And a few things loom over my mind:

I have plans ready to launch for summer starting this Friday, June 1st. For those who have been supporting me in the last few months, I want to say THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH! I’m finally getting my business off the ground and with the addition of a new printer/scanner/copier I feel I can do anything with my Mary Kay business… So really without you guys and your support, none of this would be possible and I cannot wait to show you all more of what I can do! I’m super excited, and I hope to become into Red Jacket before June 15, or even before June 30! 

Lots to plan for my team as I’m building them up. Had to reschedule getting together with my girl Bethany in getting her set up and training so I’m now in the process of planning on what to do when she and I get together that day. I feel that after talking to her after dealing with my personal problems, I haven’t doing as well as I really should have to be not just a mentor for her but also as a friend - my personal drama got in the way of anything else and even though Mihoki and I are fine now, there are still some holes that need to be mended. I hope that I can take all of this as a learning lesson and improve to be a better mentor as well as a better person. 

Speaking of stuff in the last week, I’m still irritated that I’m still COUGHING. I can swear up and down to everyone I meet that I am NOT sick… It’s the result of me crying my eyes out over stress. The upside, though, is that my body is starting to listen to my mind and heal: I’ve been sleeping a little bit better, eating a little bit more and even starting taking better care of myself. The coughing is a bit ridiculous though… All that stuff in my throat simply needs to go away… That’s all I ask really! 

…I’ve been coughing pretty bad in the last hour… I already have a headache and I’m supposed to be getting ready for the meeting… I hope I can stay focused… >.<

It’s not all about the barbecue or enjoying the sunshine at the beach. 

It’s about the men and women who gave and sacrificed their lives for us to be able to have the freedoms to do this and all we do. 

Don’t forget to thank and honor our fellow men and women, past and present… Even the ones who died protecting us from harm’s way. 

It’s an old photo he sent me years ago, and yet… I’m so proud of my Marine too :) 

Walking like this:

Dancing like this:

Laughing like this :

Being creepy like this:

When we’re in class and they’re doing a presentation, I’m in the front like,

I start making sexy faces at them like:

As I lie here on my bed preparing myself to fall asleep in vain, my thoughts become as cloudy as the weather outside my bedroom window. The last few days have come and gone in a bit of a haze… and a bit too quickly.

Restless nights trying to sleep… and to wake up cold and tears on my pillow.

Fighting back the tears so they wouldn’t fall again. They fall anyway.

Trying to make myself eat solid food… praying that my body would not reject it again an hour later.

Relentless efforts in keeping myself busy to keep my mind off of him and memories of the last weekend.

I have made it to the halfway point… At least I’ve made it this far. And yet… I’m still dreading Friday to be here.

The more I think about it the more my mind and heart seem to cave in. Words cannot truly express how much I am sorry for the way things turned out this weekend… How much I could turn back the hands of time to the very hour, minute and second that I could’ve taken to hear him out, listening to what he had to say. How much I wish I could comfort him even if my efforts seem so small and almost nothing to him. How I wish I had heard things differently and with a more open heart and mind. 

It was a bittersweet farewell. 

…but was this only temporary? Or will this meeting on Friday be it? 

No matter how I think of it, until he says his piece, there is really not much I can do to heal the pain from the hole that seems to fill up my heart right now. I’ve felt this one before from years ago, but this time… in it’s own way, it feels different. 

…

I questioned myself last night: Has it really come down to this? Reality hit me. It hit me that in the next few days… he really might move on without me. 

This guy would be the perfect husband.

The amazing father of my children.

The one who understands me most.

The one who makes me laugh.

Everything I’ll ever want and need.

But we want different things despite loving each other very much. I wish I loved him as much as he loved me (if not love… at least care); then things will be VERY different.

…my mind and heart is currently learning how time will heal everything. Make things clearer. I have been very impatient in the last year and it’s just now that I’m really getting the nip in the butt on not taking the time to be patient… 

I heard in a short story recently that only time is capable if understanding how valuable love is. 

…

…I’m praying really hard that this is true.